Jeff Lynne

Jeff Lynne’s Estranged Dog Arrested For Identity Theft

Musician Jeff Lynne of the band Electric Light Orchestra, had his identity stolen by his dog, ‘Rusty’. Rusty and Lynne have been estranged for three months, after a disagreement and legal battle.

“Rusty’ and Lynne had a falling out over an embarrassing incident involving pooping on the good carpet. ‘Rusty’ insists it was Lynne who pooped on the carpet and then blamed the dog. Immediately following this incident, Lynne’s girlfriend, Camelia Kath banned ‘Rusty’ from the couch. Rusty immediately began planning his revenge.

Bad Dog

For obvious reasons, the exact details cannot be revealed at this time. However, we can tell you, using information gained from bank insiders, a dead man’s passport and a picture of Jeff Lynne cut out of a CD box, ‘Rusty’ stole $200,000 from Lynne’s account.

‘Rusty’ was living the highlife, spending Lynne’s money on Starbucks, dog spas, and high priced hookers. Rusty even performed an entire concert in NYC as ELO and no one noticed. ELO fan Raymond Moseley testified, “I thought something was off. I told my buddy Carl that Jeff Lynne sounds a little hoarse tonight. Little did I know that he was a little dog. Get it?”

The entire scheme was foiled when Rusty appeared on the Ellen Degeneres show and started sniffing Ellen’s butt. The house of cards fell down on Rusty and the FBI swooped in. Rusty went on the run but was captured in a dog park in upstate NY by none other than Dog The Bounty Hunter.

The naughty dog was given a timeout and will be forced to pay restitution. Rusty told Madhouse News, “That SOB Lynne cut my nuts off and I have to pay HIM restitution. He knows he peed on the carpet. The world knows Jeff! This court is out of order.” Rusty was previously arrested for impersonating Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac!

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